I'm always here if you need to talk

So I guess a lot of people are doing this 'My Life' thing and I thought I would give it a chance. So here we go...
 
I was born on May 12, 1997.
At five years old my mom packed me and my brothers and sisters up without saying anything to my dad and left. She would always get mad at me when I asked for him, her reply was that he would becoming the next week, finally after a month of this I stopped believing her.
I remember during this time my mom was living with one of her best friends, and that they would leave us alone for days on end. Her friend also had two kids, and she would make me and my older sister take care of them, like change their diapers and feed them. After that I became mature way to quickly. One time they ordered pizza for us, which we thought was a gift from God that was until we realized it was non edible. When I refused to eat the thing the made me go outside barefoot when it was 102 degrees outside. Lets just say I never said no to them again.
Elementary school was horrible, after awhile my dad found out where we were and took us back, with him. Well me and my sister, we couldn’t take my two brothers. I was always made fun of and bullied in middle school, and I always hid my emotions from everyone, I was the kid who would sit alone at a table and just wish I had someone to talk to but to them I was the weird kid. So I became depressed, and cut for the first time in 5th grade.
During middle school the bullying got worse and so did the cutting. And when I couldn’t cut I'd be in the bathroom stall throwing up my lunch. I just thought that If I lost the weight people would stop being mean to me. In 7th grade I met one of my best friends, and at that time I never trusted anyone but she proved her trust to me. Though looking back I never really know why I let her in because all she cared about was herself.
The summer before 8th grade was one of the worst summers of my life, me and my sister went up there to visit my mom and two brothers who were staying at her fiance's house. The man himself was a creep he was one of those weird people that you pass by on the street and know somethings bad about him so you just look straight ahead as you pass and hope he doesn’t say anything. The first night I was there I wanted to go straight back home but I didn’t because of my family.
The guy Jimmy would sneak into mine and my sisters room at night just to watch us, sometimes he'd look at us through the window that was there, he thought we wanted to play his 'games' When they fed us they barely gave us anything not that I minded the food I did have I gave to my brothers, they didn’t complain. One time when everyone was gone I was walking though the house when He came over and cornered me. I never felt so afraid in my life, that was something I've always wanted to forget but its ingrained in my mind and it wont go away. I told my mom what happened and instead of comforting me she slapped me in the face and called me a whore. I no longer see her.
My freshman year was slightly better and slightly worse, it was better because the bullying dimmed slightly but worse because now there was problems at home my dad started using hateful words to me, and I would have to clean the house by my self, my sister then started fighting with me and would sometimes hit me,before leaving she would tell me to kill myself. I found myself falling into an even more deeper depression than I was in before and I couldn’t get out of it. That year I fell in love with my best friend, though he didn’t know, and I kept it that way, though I couldn’t help the feeling of hurt whenever he was with someone else. Those feeling eventually went away and I now think of him as an brother.
Now its the end of my sophomore year, and during my freshman year I've stopped cutting so I was clean for a year until today. I guess the stress of this week got to me and I couldn’t help myself.
So now you know my story, sorry it isnt as exciting as most would think.

I'm already one of them

It's so easy to hide the pain inside from your
Family
Friends
Everyone who you think cares
We all fight these inner demons
And sometimes they win us over
Suffocating us
Until we can't breathe
Reminding us
That their there
That we're nothing
They won't even let us be happy for a
Few hours
Because once your happy you see their dark evil eyes
Pulling you under
And you can't act like you don't see them
It's useless
They'll make their presence known

Do you hear them to?

And the nightmares begin again

Hey guys so this is my first tip, so lets hope its good:D
Anyways here's how to be more confident:)
 
1. Make more eye contact
If your shy like me, this could be one of the worst things in the world, I mean it could be pretty awkward. But I was always taught that it's good to look people in the eyes when your talking to them, and I'm not saying to full on stare at them because that's really weird and you could make the other person nervous. What you should to is look at them every full sentence, then glance away. It helps you guys because it could keep you interested in a conversation.
 
2. Find yourself
 
I guess all of us are in that stage in life where we want to find out exactly who we are, and let me tell you, were always learning about ourselves everyday of our lives. And its never going to end. Now what I mean by this is find out the things you like about yourself and don't think about the things you don't like ( I know its extremely hard). When you find out what you love about yourself focus on those key things. Like if its your hair, try different ways to style it. Or if its your eyes, try different makeup looks. Doing these things can get your mind off of all the negatives.
 
3. Sit up straighter.
 
Slouching isn't all that attractive now is it? Sitting up straighter automatically gives you the look of confidence! If your standing up straighter and not slouching your actually helping out your back.
 
4. Ignore the others.
 
I know a lot of us think about other girls, or guys and there much better than ourselves. When in reality there not, there the same ways as us. We weren't meant to all be the same person. Were all different, no one is the exact same. When your thinking about someone, try to steer your thoughts to a different direction. Maybe there's this girl in your class and you love her outfit, instead of thinking about all the ways you wish you could be her, try to think of ways to dress similar. It could work you never really know.
 
Well I guess that's it for my very first tip:D I made this tip for @fabulous-polyvore-tippers!! Wish me luck.

Panic attack today.... Lovely